Are we friends?

14/09/2011 Are we friends?

I have 423 friends. Well actually in reality I don’t have that many but according to Facebook I’m pretty popular. Sometimes I think I have too many Facebook friends. 423 is far too many to keep in contact with and it’s even far too many to Facebook stalk. Recently I came up with a rule that determines whether I accept future requests. It is this: If I saw this person in the street would I stop to say hello or pretend I didn’t see them? If they are worthy of a hello, they can be considered a friend. If I would look the other way then I don’t need them clogging up my timeline. I think this is a good rule to go by. However, I still have the issue of the many FB friends that I have added or accepted back when I thought it was cool to have heaps of friends. These are the people that I don’t talk to, don’t see and don’t really have any intention of rekindling any lost friendship with. I could do what many people do and go through and perform a cull followed by a very annoying message that says something along the lines of ‘If you are reading this, congratulations you are still my friend.’ I don’t really want to do this. But there is another option..

Earlier this year I was in Copenhagen visiting a friend. One Sunday my wife and I went along to his church. The whole church service is in Danish so there was headphones available so that we could have the sermon translated into English by a guy who spoke into a microphone from the back of the church. The receivers weren’t working this particular Sunday so half-a-dozen English speakers huddled around the translator and listened intently. The translator was a guy by the name of Rune Toldam. We got chatting to him after the service and found that he was  very funny and likeable guy. Now in Copenhagen everyone is very fashionable. The guys could be described as what we might refer to as extreme metrosexual. Rune told a story of time when he was in Sydney and was wearing a bright purple scarf – totally acceptable in Copenhagen but can be misleading in Sydney. Rune told us how a guy began chatting to him one night and because he was traveling by himself Rune welcomed the opportunity to make a friend from Sydney. However, his scarf was like a red rag to a bull. This man was wanting more than friendship.. Immediately I thought, this Rune is a funny guy and as you do, I added him as a friend on Facebook.

A few weeks later I received an email from Rune. We had not spoken since visiting his church. In fact we hadn’t even poked each other or liked each other posts. Suffice to say, I was surprised to receive an email from him. It read as follows;

Dear friend

This is a friend request. I am undertaking a full review of my current ‘friends’ as defined by Facebook and would like you to confirm whether you in fact would like to continue our friendship together. I am writing because I would like to stay friends with you, but I need you to take the time to confirm that we are in fact friends and you wish to continue the friendship.

If you wish to do so, please copy the following text into an email, type in your name and send it to runetoldam@email.com or through Facebook. All submissions should be sent no later than 16/02/2011 at 23:59.

I (your name) hereby confirm that I am friends with Rune Toldam.

If you have any questions about the project you are welcome contact me via phone (+45——–) or email.

Your current friend,

Rune Toldam

I must admit, I was a little taken aback but the upfront-ness of this request. I appreciated it but at the same time felt very challenged. I had to ask myself, ‘am I really a friend of Rune?’ ‘Can I maintain this friendship or am I just a number?’ Rune is a really cool guy and someone that I could imagine being friends with but the reality is that I don’t know him. I cannot call myself his friend. Sure it’s good to have a token Danish friend but I didn’t really like seeing status updates that I could understand. All things considered, I decided that I should let Rune know that I can no longer remain his FB friend. I could have done this simply by ignoring his letter but felt that he deserved an explanation. So I sent him this reply;

Hi Rune.

I’m not sure what time it is now in Copenhagen but I’m pretty sure I’ve missed the cut off time.
However, upon reflection I have decided that I should be removed from your friends list. This is in no way a slight on your character of friend-worthiness. In our short time together I appreciated your humour and fine translating skills, yet our geographical separation would make it hard to be a worthy friend of yours. While Facebook makes communication possible, it is not enough for you to consider me a true friend. Perhaps if our paths cross again this may change, but it would not be appropriate to remain your Facebook friend at this time. It also doesn’t help that I can’t understand you’re status updates.
So for these reasons I am requesting that you remove me from your friend. I felt it necessary to write to you with this request since you took the time to write to me.
Please do not be offended by this request. Let me reiterate that it’s not you, it’s me.
I hope that one day we will meet again and rekindle our Facebook friendship.

Your former Facebook friend,
Brad Freind

He took it well and wished me a great life. I didn’t think any more about Rune until today when I began thinking about my glut of FB friends. I remembered that Rune had set up a webpage which documents his quest to answer the question ‘are we friends?’ So I found his website arewefriends.org and discovered a few things. Firstly, Rune has made all his resources available so that others can ethically cull their friend list. Secondly I discovered that not only has my name been removed from his list, but it also has a big cross through it!

After feeling quite offended I realised by watching his videos that the big cross is for those who did replied but declined friendship. Surely there would be a nicer way of marking it than with a big red cross!

Anyway, Rune and his project got me wondering whether I could complete a similar undertaking to minimise my friend list. He has provided everything I need to do it. Have a watch of his intro video and let me know what you think.

Advertisement

Tags: are we friends, facebook, friends

• Leave a comment
• Posted under Uncategorized